A little over a year ago, in the height of the pandemic, I stepped out of my story and began a new chapter in the beautiful Hudson Valley. I had no clear, long-term vision. In fact, I’ve stopped sticking to plans, as they rarely stick to me. Instead, when I get the itch to shake […]
My Interview on “Your Winning Life Podcast”
A New Chapter in the Hudson Valley
Believe It or Not, Your Anxiety Loves You
Like an over-protective parent, it just wants you to be safe
Imagine you grew up in a castle. Maybe you felt relatively safe until, one day, the King and Queen left the drawbridge down and a hungry hooligan snuck into your room and stole your favorite lollipop. Or maybe you were constantly being over-run by starving hooligans, and nobody noticed or cared that you were scared […]
Searching for Hope on the Dark Side
Destruction, rebirth and other lessons from the abyss
Lately, I’ve been plumbing the depths of the underworld for clues about how to navigate a global pandemic and national cataclysm. No, I’m not holding seances or sticking pins in effigies of megalomaniacs, tempting as that may be. But rather, I’m turning to stories and symbols of human encounters with the forces of destruction in […]
How to Reframe Your Narrative About Challenging Relationships
Imagine your nemesis as the personal trainer of your emotional muscle workout
Every human relationship, whether familial, romantic, or platonic, is more or less an ambitious, hopeful, but potentially hazardous psycho-chemistry experiment. When you combine two unique sets of genetics, backgrounds, and life experiences, you never know whether you’ll get sparks, combustion, or something in between. Most of us aspire to the sparks and “in between,” anticipating the […]
Projection as Protection
How to stop taking things personally that have nothing to do with you
Sometimes, despite your good intentions and clear communication, you can still get blamed for something that isn’t your fault. Once you’ve reflected on your possible role in the situation, it’s important not to take on emotional baggage that isn’t yours, lest it weigh you down. For a variety of self-protective reasons, some people are simply […]
Would You Rather Be Right Than Loved?
The price of always needing to be right is emotional distance
Years ago, when I was in an argument with a loved one, a wise friend asked me, “Would you rather be right than loved?” It was an eye-opening question that I often return to during interpersonal conflicts. It feels good to be right. When you’re right, it means you’re not wrong. And if you’re not wrong, you […]
Welcome to Spiritual Boot Camp
How sheltering in place builds inner strength when there's no place to run
I’m sitting on Zoom, counseling Deborah, a single, 28-year-old client. Tears stream down her face as she anguishes about quarantining by herself in her one-bedroom Brooklyn apartment. A self-described “codependent” and committed ALANON newbie, Deborah has been working on her tendency to cling to unhealthy relationships to avoid being alone. We were two months into therapy when […]
Sitting on My Couch, I Find My Ruby Slippers
How I'm reframing my narrative about coronavirus
Every seven years, a crisis blows into my life, launching me into a queasy tailspin. Usually when the storms hit, I fight them, flailing my feet in search of an elusive foothold, until my resistance exhausts me, and I land in my own private wreckage. I never imagined that my next twister would be a […]
How to Actively Listen During Triggering Conversations
Whenever I’m faced with a difficult conversation about an emotionally charged issue, I always ask myself, “How can I listen in a way that is open to really taking in what the other person shares? How do I not immediately get caught in needing to prove that I’m right? What I can get curious about […]
