Kim Schneiderman
Psychotherapist, Author, Columnist, Writing Workshops

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Searching for Hope on the Dark Side

Destruction, rebirth and other lessons from the abyss

Lately, I’ve been plumbing the depths of the underworld for clues about how to navigate a global pandemic and national cataclysm. No, I’m not holding seances or sticking pins in effigies of megalomaniacs, tempting as that may be. But rather, I’m turning to stories and symbols of human encounters with the forces of destruction in an effort to find hope, guidance, and meaning.

As a Jungian-leaning psychotherapist, my explorations have inevitably led me to the “Destroyer archetype.” Generally speaking, an archetype is a metaphorical image or narrative, as found in myths, culture, and history that conveys a recognizable set of experiences that transcend time and place. 

Archetypal storylines usually involve some sort of journey, literally and figuratively, whereby the hero confronts a series of obstacles that push them to grow into stronger, more evolved characters. Such narratives include the search for love, truth, self, justice, and redemption—for example, the hero’s journey in the Odyssey, The Wizard of Oz, or the original Star Wars films. They can also describe particular character types, like the warrior, the magician, the seeker, the lover, the queen, the sage, or symbols found in famous paintings, decks of cards, street signs, and even emojis. With both character types and symbols, the story is implied.

Swiss psychiatrist and psychoanalyst Carl Jung proposed that our lives play out variations on these archetypal plotlines, forcing us to confront a particular set of challenges that stretch us beyond our comfort zones into higher levels of consciousness. For example, the sacrifices required for a caregiving archetypal experience, whether parenting or tending to an infirm elder, can help us grow into more loving, altruistic, and emotionally attuned individuals.

The Destroyer Archetype

Although tests of love, strength, courage, endurance are part of the package, all archetypes, even the more difficult ones, have lessons and gifts that can ultimately enhance our lives if we rise to the challenge. Hence the impetus for my underworld explorations in the domain of the so-called “Destroyer archetype.”

As described by Jungian scholars Carol Pearson and Hugh Marr, Destroyer archetypes may be seen in traumatic experiences of varying degrees that shatter the status quo, destabilize our lives, and bring us to our knees. Whether it’s the sudden loss of a loved one, a natural disaster, a life-threatening illness, or a global pandemic, Destroyer experiences force us to surrender to forces beyond our control, whether we like it or not. 

And yet there is a rebirth at the end of the dark passage, usually in the form of redemption or a more authentic life.

There are countless examples of Destroyer archetypal storylines and images. Perhaps the best known is the mythical Phoenix that rises from the ashes after igniting its nest with a single clap of its wings. 

Similarly, the Tower card in the Tarot deck card shows a tower on a mountain top that has been struck by a bolt of lightning, setting it ablaze. A man and woman are depicted falling from off the tower, their bodies pitched upside down. While this may evoke disturbing memories of September 11, the card is supposedly based on the biblical Tower of Babel, destroyed by God to humble humans who tried to breach the heavens by their own devices.

Some experiences turn our lives upside down with sudden, shocking force. The moral of the Tower of Babel story is that if you build your world on ego-driven pursuits and false foundations, fancying yourself as all-powerful, you’re doomed to fall. It also reminds us that everything we counted on to define ourselves may not be here tomorrow, so we must adapt and become flexible.

Destroyer images are also present in world religions, from the biblical story of Job to the Hindu god Shiva. Job is a good man who, with God’s permission, loses his offspring, health, and property, but is ultimately restored to an even better condition because, in spite of his anguish, he doesn’t lose faith. Shiva, also known literally as “The Destroyer,” is an androgynous shape-shifter who transforms the universe through destruction and rebirth. Both an ascetic and the master of fertility, Shiva is the master of both poison and medicine, suggesting that pain can wake us up to areas in our lives that need improvement.

Lessons and Gifts from the Dark Side

To that point, we can’t fix what we can’t see. That’s why one of the gifts of the Destroyer archetype is an embodied crucible that pushes us to feel the pain of our shadow so we can get to know and ultimately heal it. Thus, the fires consume the structures that are no longer essential—ambitions, identities, addictions—clearing a space for an intensity of reflection that can help us rebuild on a stronger foundation that is more aligned with our deeper truths and needs. Even when they consume significant and meaningful people or things, we can grow in compassion as we attune our hearts to universal suffering and our common humanity. 

In What Story Are You Living?, Pearson and Marr note that one of the Destroyer’s gifts are humility and expansiveness. “When people move beyond the fear of death, loss or change, they gain an incredible kind of freedom that can take the form of the ability to live fully in the moment, the capacity to take risks without undue stress, and the willingness to risk failure in order to create deeper knowledge, and the wisdom to flow with life’s changes. When we make friends with the Destroyer, we no longer need to shrink in fear, holding on to what we have. We begin to see that’s it’s possible to trust the unknown.

The archetypal Destroyer is reflected in nature as well in the continuous cycle of birth, life and death. For example, wildfires, when allowed to burn in areas where they do not impact human development, are regenerative for the forest, revitalizing the watershed, renewing the soil, and resetting the clock for the ecosystem.

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Even with hope, falling is no fun, especially when you’re getting singed on the way down. Thankfully, there are ways we can seek to facilitate a softer landing.

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Feeling Seen and Connected:

An 8-Week Healing Journey for Enneagram 4’s and their Parts

  • Do you often feel misunderstood?
  • Do you envy other’s ease, lightheartedness, and vitality?
  • Do you consider bad artistic taste and lack of originality a capital crime?

If you answered “yes” to a few of these, then there’s a chance you are a “4” in the Enneagram personality system. And that’s a good thing. The Enneagram is a non-hierarchal model that recognizes nine, interconnected types, each with their own unique gifts, vulnerabilities, and paths to self actualization.

Often described as “Artists,” “Romantics” and “Individualists,” Type 4s tend to be creative, self-aware, emotionally honest, empathetic, and highly attuned to meaning and beauty. Yet, type Fours can at times feel like melancholy unicorns, believing that the world doesn’t value what they have to offer, and may therefore question their worth.

That’s why I’m offering an 8-week group for Type 4s that will explore the intersection between the enneagram with Internal Family Systems, a holistic therapeutic model that believes we all possess of core spiritual self and a constellation of parts that help us survive and thrive.

Through psycho-education, interactive sharing, meditations, and writing exercises, you will: deepen your understanding of your parts and how they align with the enneagram regard more entrenched parts of your personality with more compassion and humor feel seen, appreciated, supported, and connected to others recognize your gifts and place in the world; and tap into your innate source of vitality, peace, and inspiration

When: Thursdays, 7 – 9 p.m. EST

Where: Online Dates: 9/29, 10/6, 10/27, 11/3, 11/10, 11/17, 12/1, 12/8

Cost: $399 for 8 weeks

A brief free screening is required for group participation.

For more information, please email me at 914-393-6501.


Reframe Your Narrative About Challenging Relationships

A 10-week Online Course with DailyOM

Tired of people pushing your buttons? For as little as $10 total, you can liberate yourself from self-defeating patterns around people who trigger you. Register here to receive 10 weekly insights, writing exercises, and guided meditations you can access whenever you want.

Lesson 1:  Soul Narrative vs. Self-Defeating Story
Lesson 2:  Exploring the Power of Choice and Voice
Lesson 3:  Your Adversary as Your Personal Trainer
Lesson 4:  Embracing Your Strengths and Superpowers
Lesson 5:  Getting to Know Your Inner Antagonist(s)
Lesson 6:  Dialoguing with the Parts that Get Triggered
Lesson 7:  The Yoga of Character Development
Lesson 8:  Supporting Characters, Tools and Resources
Lesson 9:  Giving Ourselves the Blessing We Seek
Lesson 10: The Golden Happy Ending

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About The Author: Kim Schneiderman

Psychotherapist and freelance journalist Kim Schneiderman utilizes research-based methods to help people who are stuck – in a dead-end job, relationship, of life stage – imagine themselves as the star of their own stories with the power to reclaim their personal narratives. Drawing on the elements of a story that many of us learned in high school (premise, scene, plot, conflict, climax, resolution), readers will assign titles to different chapters of their lives, observe recurring themes, identify supporting characters, and explore how conflict creates opportunities for personal growth that can lead to a meaningful resolution. They will also be asked to examine how the decisions we make, both big and small, affect our storyline – the relationships we choose, how we spend our day, and how we nourish ourselves, physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.

Unlike most self-help writing workbooks, most of the exercises in Step Out of Your Story are framed in the third-person voice, freeing readers to see beyond their usual point of view. Psychological research suggests that people are more likely to view their lives favorably when they see themselves as characters in a story. In a 2005 Columbia University study reported in the Journal of Psychological Science, test subjects who spoke about difficult chapters in their lives in the third person narrative displayed more confidence and optimism than those who recalled bad memories in the first person. By retracing their steps from the perch of the third-person narrative, people were more likely to regard their problems as something outside themselves – challenges they had conquered or adversaries they had defeated - instead of character flaws. Additionally, the perception that they had overcome obstacles left them feeling more confident to face the future.

Step Out Of Your Story

STEP OUT OF YOUR STORY

Writing Exercises to Reframe and Transform Your Life

Every life is an unfolding story, and how individuals tell their story matters. Recent Stanford and Columbia University studies show that how we view the story of our life shapes the life itself. Who are the heroes and villains? Where does the plot twist? How are conflicts resolved? Learn more...

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