Kim Schneiderman
Psychotherapist, Author, Columnist, Writing Workshops

  • Home
  • Professional Services
    • Psychotherapy
    • Writing Workshops
    • Speaking Engagements
  • The Book
  • Media
    • Columns
    • Blog
    • Interviews
    • Articles & Essays
    • In the News
  • Events
  • Kim’s Story
  • Contact

A New Chapter in the Hudson Valley

A little over a year ago, in the height of the pandemic, I stepped out of my story and began a new chapter in the beautiful Hudson Valley. 

I had no clear, long-term vision. In fact, I’ve stopped sticking to plans, as they rarely stick to me. Instead, when I get the itch to shake things up every decade or so – and I was overdue at 52 – I act on instinct. Like Jane-of-the-Jungle, I climb to the highest branch to get a sense of the terrain. When I sense the time to leap, I take a deep breath, grab the nearest vine and swing to next best tree. It’s not always the palm I expected, but it’s usually where I need to be, or more specifically, to grow. 

In this case, the dangling vine was an invitation to be a short-term tenant at the Fox Hill Bed & Breakfast in Highland, NY in October of 2020. I had met the owner over the summer during a brief upstate escape from Manhattan lockdown. Her invite was appealing because I loved the area, had friends nearby, and the timing coincided with peak foliage.

More importantly, I was itching to explore life upstate. Prior to the pandemic, it never seemed feasible. Not only did I have a private practice in the West Village, but I was also deeply rooted in my Upper West Side Jewish community. Now that COVID had blown up my world, along with everyone else’s, I was free to safari in the Hudson Valley jungle.

So I subletted my Manhattan studio apartment, and headed north, seeking mask-free outdoor adventures, including the opportunity to leaf peep from the B&B’s hillside hot tub. Funny enough, it was in that very jacuzzi that an NYC friend and soon-to-be Hudson Valley transplant encouraged me to consider buying upstate. Sure, nature, equity, and a bathroom larger than a porta-potty were calling. I just wasn’t sure I’d qualify for a loan, nor that I had the killer instinct and deep pockets to compete in the infamous bidding wars. But I figured I’d explore and stay open. 

I began looking on my birthday and, to the surprise of many – but none more so than myself- bought the first house I saw. The charming, renovated colonial in the unassuming hamlet of Highland, was the right size, price, location, and artsy vibe for me. I closed in February and moved up in March, becoming yet another statistic in the mass exodus from the city. 

Stretching Beyond My Comfort Zone
It’s been a magical adventure, and I am grateful for the privilege and opportunities that made this move possible. The Hudson Valley amazes me with natural beauty and its hidden cultural gems. I also love having more places to put my things, saving money, and the freedom to travel wherever, whenever I want without having to share germs and body parts with strangers. I’ve also made some wonderful new friends.

But it’s also, at times, been a rude awakening with painful adjustments. The fairy tale came to an abrupt halt on move-in day, when a tree fell on my yard in a windstorm, and my bathtub leaked water through the ceiling. There was no super to call to take care of things while I managed  a full caseload of pandemic-fatigued clients on Zoom, which has also been emotionally and physically demanding. And while I can still stroll into town to grab lunch, I miss the days when walking out of my door meant bumping into friends in the first 10 blocks. 

My Personal Growth Workout
As I describe in my book and Step Out of Your Story writing workshops, when authors create novels, they often have a vague sense of where they want the protagonist to go, but sometimes the character has a life of his/her own the storyline ends up going in unexpected directions. As the star my own evolving narrative, I never imagined the arc of my plotline would lead me to assuming the role of a single, middle-aged (bad ass!) female homeowner in the Hudson Valley. Yet here I am!

Though the city is only a beautiful, 105-minute train ride away, there are days when I miss aspects of my former urban life, especially the people, whimsical NY moments, and 24-hour food delivery. In those moments, I stop and wonder, how did I get here? Did I make the right choice? Am I being the good little protagonist conceived by a Divine Author or acting more like a rebellious teenager?

Whichever the case, if I view my story as a personal growth adventure, there is no wrong choice. With character development as my goal, every experience is a portal for personal evolution – to discover and embrace new parts of myself, the good, the ugly and all shades in between. The hope is that such inner journeys will not only make me a more well-rounded person, but also deepen me in compassionate self-awareness, so I can live a more authentic and happy life, enrich my relationships, and inspire others to grab their proverbial vines and swing.

Viewed through this lens, a leaky bathtub becomes an opportunity to practice surrendering, asking for help, and learning about plumbing. More time alone becomes an invitation to meditate, write, cook, and plan workshops for the coming year. And the downed tree on my first night of homeownership becomes an interesting story to tell at a barbecue.

Filed Under: Articles & Essays, Media

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Feeling Seen and Connected:

An 8-Week Healing Journey for Enneagram 4’s and their Parts

  • Do you often feel misunderstood?
  • Do you envy other’s ease, lightheartedness, and vitality?
  • Do you consider bad artistic taste and lack of originality a capital crime?

If you answered “yes” to a few of these, then there’s a chance you are a “4” in the Enneagram personality system. And that’s a good thing. The Enneagram is a non-hierarchal model that recognizes nine, interconnected types, each with their own unique gifts, vulnerabilities, and paths to self actualization.

Often described as “Artists,” “Romantics” and “Individualists,” Type 4s tend to be creative, self-aware, emotionally honest, empathetic, and highly attuned to meaning and beauty. Yet, type Fours can at times feel like melancholy unicorns, believing that the world doesn’t value what they have to offer, and may therefore question their worth.

That’s why I’m offering an 8-week group for Type 4s that will explore the intersection between the enneagram with Internal Family Systems, a holistic therapeutic model that believes we all possess of core spiritual self and a constellation of parts that help us survive and thrive.

Through psycho-education, interactive sharing, meditations, and writing exercises, you will: deepen your understanding of your parts and how they align with the enneagram regard more entrenched parts of your personality with more compassion and humor feel seen, appreciated, supported, and connected to others recognize your gifts and place in the world; and tap into your innate source of vitality, peace, and inspiration

When: Thursdays, 7 – 9 p.m. EST

Where: Online Dates: 9/29, 10/6, 10/27, 11/3, 11/10, 11/17, 12/1, 12/8

Cost: $399 for 8 weeks

A brief free screening is required for group participation.

For more information, please email me at 914-393-6501.


Reframe Your Narrative About Challenging Relationships

A 10-week Online Course with DailyOM

Tired of people pushing your buttons? For as little as $10 total, you can liberate yourself from self-defeating patterns around people who trigger you. Register here to receive 10 weekly insights, writing exercises, and guided meditations you can access whenever you want.

Lesson 1:  Soul Narrative vs. Self-Defeating Story
Lesson 2:  Exploring the Power of Choice and Voice
Lesson 3:  Your Adversary as Your Personal Trainer
Lesson 4:  Embracing Your Strengths and Superpowers
Lesson 5:  Getting to Know Your Inner Antagonist(s)
Lesson 6:  Dialoguing with the Parts that Get Triggered
Lesson 7:  The Yoga of Character Development
Lesson 8:  Supporting Characters, Tools and Resources
Lesson 9:  Giving Ourselves the Blessing We Seek
Lesson 10: The Golden Happy Ending

A FULL HOUSE AT THE NYC BOOK SIGNING!

11666175_10153509534099665_7556630144058564704_n
IMG_2358
11539252_722074054569793_8893902440045718527_o (1)
IMG_2381
IMG_2357

About The Author: Kim Schneiderman

Psychotherapist and freelance journalist Kim Schneiderman utilizes research-based methods to help people who are stuck – in a dead-end job, relationship, of life stage – imagine themselves as the star of their own stories with the power to reclaim their personal narratives. Drawing on the elements of a story that many of us learned in high school (premise, scene, plot, conflict, climax, resolution), readers will assign titles to different chapters of their lives, observe recurring themes, identify supporting characters, and explore how conflict creates opportunities for personal growth that can lead to a meaningful resolution. They will also be asked to examine how the decisions we make, both big and small, affect our storyline – the relationships we choose, how we spend our day, and how we nourish ourselves, physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.

Unlike most self-help writing workbooks, most of the exercises in Step Out of Your Story are framed in the third-person voice, freeing readers to see beyond their usual point of view. Psychological research suggests that people are more likely to view their lives favorably when they see themselves as characters in a story. In a 2005 Columbia University study reported in the Journal of Psychological Science, test subjects who spoke about difficult chapters in their lives in the third person narrative displayed more confidence and optimism than those who recalled bad memories in the first person. By retracing their steps from the perch of the third-person narrative, people were more likely to regard their problems as something outside themselves – challenges they had conquered or adversaries they had defeated - instead of character flaws. Additionally, the perception that they had overcome obstacles left them feeling more confident to face the future.

Step Out Of Your Story

STEP OUT OF YOUR STORY

Writing Exercises to Reframe and Transform Your Life

Every life is an unfolding story, and how individuals tell their story matters. Recent Stanford and Columbia University studies show that how we view the story of our life shapes the life itself. Who are the heroes and villains? Where does the plot twist? How are conflicts resolved? Learn more...

Order Your Copy Today!

New World Library Amazon Barnes & Noble

 

© 2023 Kim Schneiderman, LCSW, MSW · All Rights Reserved · Website design by SimonAbramson.com