Kim Schneiderman
Psychotherapist, Author, Columnist, Writing Workshops

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Writing as a Path to Self Compassion

How shifting your perspective can help you see yourself through gentler eyes

If you’re like many people, accessing self-compassion can be a bit like searching your desk for reading glasses that are dangling over your chest. You didn’t lose your lenses, you just needed to know where to look.

It’s possible to see challenging life chapters as personal growth adventures by writing about the obstacles you face in the more expansive third-person narrative; in other words, referring to oneself as “he,” “she,” and “they” instead of the more natural “I,” “me” and “my.” Also, a dialogue with desired character strengths—for example, courage or compassion—can evoke these voices within.

Because we may often be kinder towards our friends than towards ourselves—consider the cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) question “What would you say to a friend in the same situation?”—my assumption was that writing about difficulties in your life as if they were happening to someone else would facilitate a similar compassionate stance. My hope was that, by creating some psychological distance through the third person voice, readers could bypass the critic, access latent internal strengths, become more curious about their unfolding story, and feel more empathetic towards themselves and the tensions in their storyline.

This was not some clever gimmick. During my college years as an English major and later in book groups, I had an easier time talking about and feeling compassionate towards protagonists with whom I identified. By contrast, speaking about my own personal struggles in the first person felt more vulnerable, more evocative of my ego, and therefore likely to trigger my inner critics.

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Other Offerings


Reframe Your Narrative About Challenging Relationships

A 10-week Online Course with DailyOM

Tired of people pushing your buttons? For as little as $19, you can liberate yourself from self-defeating patterns around people who trigger you. Register here to receive 10 weekly insights, writing exercises, and guided meditations you can access whenever you want.

Lesson 1:  Soul Narrative vs. Self-Defeating Story
Lesson 2:  Exploring the Power of Choice and Voice
Lesson 3:  Your Adversary as Your Personal Trainer
Lesson 4:  Embracing Your Strengths and Superpowers
Lesson 5:  Getting to Know Your Inner Antagonist(s)
Lesson 6:  Dialoguing with the Parts that Get Triggered
Lesson 7:  The Yoga of Character Development
Lesson 8:  Supporting Characters, Tools and Resources
Lesson 9:  Giving Ourselves the Blessing We Seek
Lesson 10: The Golden Happy Ending


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About The Author: Kim Schneiderman

Psychotherapist and freelance journalist Kim Schneiderman utilizes research-based methods to help people who are stuck – in a dead-end job, relationship, of life stage – imagine themselves as the star of their own stories with the power to reclaim their personal narratives. Drawing on the elements of a story that many of us learned in high school (premise, scene, plot, conflict, climax, resolution), readers will assign titles to different chapters of their lives, observe recurring themes, identify supporting characters, and explore how conflict creates opportunities for personal growth that can lead to a meaningful resolution. They will also be asked to examine how the decisions we make, both big and small, affect our storyline – the relationships we choose, how we spend our day, and how we nourish ourselves, physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.

Unlike most self-help writing workbooks, most of the exercises in Step Out of Your Story are framed in the third-person voice, freeing readers to see beyond their usual point of view. Psychological research suggests that people are more likely to view their lives favorably when they see themselves as characters in a story. In a 2005 Columbia University study reported in the Journal of Psychological Science, test subjects who spoke about difficult chapters in their lives in the third person narrative displayed more confidence and optimism than those who recalled bad memories in the first person. By retracing their steps from the perch of the third-person narrative, people were more likely to regard their problems as something outside themselves – challenges they had conquered or adversaries they had defeated - instead of character flaws. Additionally, the perception that they had overcome obstacles left them feeling more confident to face the future.

Step Out Of Your Story

STEP OUT OF YOUR STORY

Writing Exercises to Reframe and Transform Your Life

Every life is an unfolding story, and how individuals tell their story matters. Recent Stanford and Columbia University studies show that how we view the story of our life shapes the life itself. Who are the heroes and villains? Where does the plot twist? How are conflicts resolved? Learn more...

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