Kim Schneiderman
Psychotherapist, Author, Columnist, Writing Workshops

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Welcome to Spiritual Boot Camp

How sheltering in place builds inner strength when there's no place to run

I’m sitting on Zoom, counseling Deborah, a single, 28-year-old client. Tears stream down her face as she anguishes about quarantining by herself in her one-bedroom Brooklyn apartment. A self-described “codependent” and committed ALANON newbie, Deborah has been working on her tendency to cling to unhealthy relationships to avoid being alone.

We were two months into therapy when COVID struck, and our sessions went virtual. Her lack of family support was evoking a familiar sense of loneliness and abandonment, awakening feelings of unlovability that could be traced back to her childhood.

Following one emotionally intense session, I gazed at her through my laptop screen and said, “Well, this is certainly codependency boot camp, isn’t it?” She laughed, acknowledging the irony of how the pandemic aligned with her 12-step goal of focusing on her relationship with herself. After all, she couldn’t hold hands or fool around with a new romantic prospect without putting her life or someone else’s at risk. Sex in the City in the time of COVID was no walk in the park with Manolo Blahniks!

Deborah isn’t alone. In fact, COVID-19 has been a spiritualboot camp of sorts for many people, and not just for codependency. Like the biblical Jonah, for the past seven weeks or so, we’ve been forced to sit in the belly of the whale, digesting our grief, anger, sadness, fear, and disgust about the pandemic that has swallowed our lives. We sit facing our own mortality, the limits of our power, and the excruciating uncertainty around when it will be safe to come up for air.

While living a more sedentary life, the pandemic tests our inner strength and endurance, pushing us to exercise our emotional, mental, and physical muscles to the point of discovering the mettle we’re made of. That includes confronting unresolved issues with relationships, family, career, health, and overall life direction, which become magnified when there’s no place to run, except around the block with a mask. Sooner or later, you’ll have to return to the same four walls to search for more space within the inner expanses of your own heart.

It reminds me of a sermon Rabbi David Ingber gave last September recalling the cult classic Young Frankenstein. In one iconic scene, Gene Wilder locks himself in a room with the monster he created instructing Igor, “no matter how much I scream, don’t let me out!” Rabbi Ingber went on to describe the demanding but spiritually important work of “staying in the room” while confronting one’s demons. CLICK HERE TO CONTINUE https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-novel-perspective/202005/welcome-spiritual-boot-camp

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Reframing Your Narrative About Challenging Relationships

A 10-week Online Course with DailyOM

Tired of people pushing your buttons? For as little as $10 total, you can liberate yourself from self-defeating patterns around people who trigger you. Register here to receive 10 weekly insights, writing exercises, and guided meditations you can access whenever you want.

Lesson 1:  Soul Narrative vs. Self-Defeating Story
Lesson 2:  Exploring the Power of Choice and Voice
Lesson 3:  Your Adversary as Your Personal Trainer
Lesson 4:  Embracing Your Strengths and Superpowers
Lesson 5:  Getting to Know Your Inner Antagonist(s)
Lesson 6:  Dialoguing with the Parts that Get Triggered
Lesson 7:  The Yoga of Character Development
Lesson 8:  Supporting Characters, Tools and Resources
Lesson 9:  Giving Ourselves the Blessing We Seek
Lesson 10: The Golden Happy Ending

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About The Author: Kim Schneiderman

Psychotherapist and freelance journalist Kim Schneiderman utilizes research-based methods to help people who are stuck – in a dead-end job, relationship, of life stage – imagine themselves as the star of their own stories with the power to reclaim their personal narratives. Drawing on the elements of a story that many of us learned in high school (premise, scene, plot, conflict, climax, resolution), readers will assign titles to different chapters of their lives, observe recurring themes, identify supporting characters, and explore how conflict creates opportunities for personal growth that can lead to a meaningful resolution. They will also be asked to examine how the decisions we make, both big and small, affect our storyline – the relationships we choose, how we spend our day, and how we nourish ourselves, physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.

Unlike most self-help writing workbooks, most of the exercises in Step Out of Your Story are framed in the third-person voice, freeing readers to see beyond their usual point of view. Psychological research suggests that people are more likely to view their lives favorably when they see themselves as characters in a story. In a 2005 Columbia University study reported in the Journal of Psychological Science, test subjects who spoke about difficult chapters in their lives in the third person narrative displayed more confidence and optimism than those who recalled bad memories in the first person. By retracing their steps from the perch of the third-person narrative, people were more likely to regard their problems as something outside themselves – challenges they had conquered or adversaries they had defeated - instead of character flaws. Additionally, the perception that they had overcome obstacles left them feeling more confident to face the future.

Step Out Of Your Story

STEP OUT OF YOUR STORY

Writing Exercises to Reframe and Transform Your Life

Every life is an unfolding story, and how individuals tell their story matters. Recent Stanford and Columbia University studies show that how we view the story of our life shapes the life itself. Who are the heroes and villains? Where does the plot twist? How are conflicts resolved? Learn more...

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